As the election comes upon us, tensions seem to only be rising. It’s safe to say that we’ll all need a drink come evening. As long as you remember to drink legally and responsibly, the Lone Conservative Team has put together a list of drinks to tone down the election edge:
New England: Sam Adams Boston Lager
NH, ME, MA, VT, CT, RI
New England boasts some of the most beautiful fall foliage in the country. It also has a rich Revolutionary War history. What better beer than a Sam Adams to embody and celebrate the spirit of America on election night?
The Greater Northeast: Yuengling
NY, DE, MD, NJ, VA
There’s a lot of hustle and bustle in this region, especially in cities like New York City, Newark, and Baltimore. Most of these states are hard blue, so they’ll need a drink if the night starts to turn red. There’s one drink that you can find pretty much anywhere in these states and that pretty much no one would turn down—Yuengling beer.
Swing State Sangria
PA, NC, WI, MI, GA, FL
If you live in the ever-growing list of contentious swing states, have a cool glass of Sangria. Fruity and refreshing, this purple drink will remind you just how electorally mixed your state is. Garnish your drink with shredded bits of paper (much like the fate of hundreds of ballots that will be mysteriously discovered come November 4th).
Appalachia: Busch Lite
WV, KY, TN
If you’re fortunate enough to live in these states, you clearly know how your state is voting. The quality of the politics in Appalachian states is well-mirrored by the quality of their drinks. Busch Lite is the way to go on election night. There will always be that same refreshing taste whether it’s around a bonfire or at the Thanksgiving dinner table. The best way to describe both this beverage and the region’s politics is utterly dependable.
The Deep South: The Old Fashioned
TX, LA, MS, AL, SC, OK, AR
Time moves a little slower in these states. The fast-paced life of Washington D.C. hasn’t found its way to the Deep South. While you’re sitting on your porch enjoying what should be a crisp Autumn evening, enjoy something that also takes you back in time—an old fashioned.
The Midwest: Tornado
IL, IN, IA, KS, MN, MO, NE, ND, OH, SD
Midwestern states are often forgotten and demeaned as fly-over states, but we know that the Midwest boasts some of the greatest everyday Americans in the country. This region swings often, so voting patterns are typically up in the air. In this way, the “tornado” cocktail is the perfect drink for our midwest friends.
The Mountain West: The Ranchers’ Delight
MT, WY, ID, UT, CO
Made with rum and cream, the “Ranchers’ Delight” is a hearty choice for election night. This cocktail will hopefully be as relaxing as the Mountain West’s election experience. Serve it with ice to complete the theme of this American region as the light cream “snow caps” the “rocks” within the glass.
The Pacific Coast: A Glass of Zinfandel
CA, OR, WA
California is known for its vast wine country. This region is also known for its staunch blue loyalty. If you’re spending election night like a true west-coast elite, enjoy a glass (or ten) of light Zinfandel. Posh, yet drink-able, this quick sip will keep you light on your toes should riots erupt in your towns upon a Trump re-election.
The American Southwest: Tequila Sunrise
AZ, NM, NV
Tequila, much like the election, makes everyone a little crazy. If you’re calling the American Southwest home for election day, take a minute to relax with a Tequila Sunrise. If nothing else, the non-tequila half of the drink should be a cheerful reminder that everything will likely be okay and that the sun will rise again on November 4th… though you can never count 2020 out.
Non-Continental States: Whatever ‘ya Got
On the improbable chance that the election severs the undergirding societal fabric of America and the country is torn apart, Hawaii and Alaska can rest a little easier than the rest of us. With that being said, if you’re spending election day in the snowy frontier or that island paradise, take it easy, sit back, and enjoy the show with whatever resides in your fridge.
Editor’s Note: Please drink responsibly and legally.
The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.