LONAS and NOYES: Cancel Snowmen

by and

Monday, December 30, 2019


In the past few years, we on the progressive left have problematized a host of inconsequential things. Most recently, we discovered that the seemingly innocuous ‘ok’ hand signal is actually a covert racist flag. Now, it’s important that we ruin something even more inconspicuous: the snowman.

The existence of snowmen needs to be reconsidered; why let an innocent child’s activity stay innocent when we can instead ruin it for everyone? For some, it may be difficult to accept the subjective, unprovable truths we are about to assert. However, this is where the important work of ruining beloved or mundane things can really affect a positive change in society. We must acknowledge the systemic oppression of women, African Americans, LGBTQIA+, latinx, undocumented immigrants, and refugees that snowmen dehumanize. They may be a common winter tradition but snowmen are a threat to the mental and physical safety of minority communities. 

Unless we make an effort to take back snowpeople for victimized communities, the tradition may have to die altogether. Much like statues of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, they are a sexist, racist, patriarchal, capitalist symbol of hate and oppression. It may be time to #cancel snowpeople. If they must persist, though, here are some things you need to consider the next time you are building an “innocent” snowman.

Patriarchy

Black, coal eyes saddle his vegetable nose, constantly reminding us of the horrors men perpetrate in our society. In the children’s cartoon “Frosty the Snowman,” Frosty is six feet tall while the average American woman is five foot, four inches—an active representation of male supremacy looming over women like Trump over Hilary. Fear not sisters, for as the light of the sun—like that of our collective activism—shines greater upon our chilly oppressors, they melt just like the fragile masculinity to which they cling.

Racism

The snowman is a symbol of the systemic racism that people of color face every day. Our white privilege veils our eyes from seeing our aggression. All of our snowmen are white, draped in white like a Klansman, but not all have to be. The top hat that adorns the traditional snowmxn is a microaggression, symbolizing Western culture. Remove it. Unfortunately, even diversifying their wardrobe risks perpetuating violent stereotypes. Perhaps instead, cover the entire snowperson in a burka to signify its female empowerment. 

Homophobia

The term “snowman” assumes gender. This is violence to nonbinary snowfolk. Just because some adolescent boys added an icicle doesn’t mean they identify as male. Snow-sex and snow-gender are different. We can reclaim the term back by replacing “snowman” with the more inclusive “snowmxn” and “snowpeople.”

Climate Denial

The ever-present smile on snowmen is a dog whistle to climate deniers, created as if it would last forever, ignorant of the on-coming global warming. Woke snowmxn should frown to recognize that snowflakes are melting faster than ever before due to climate change. Rows of frowning snowmx should flank suburban streets to appropriately shame any passerby for not doing their part.

If the people who build snowmen accepted the science behind climate change and the realities of systemic oppression, they would take the clothes they were going to dress the snowmen in and lay it on the ground outside of their houses as a sign of mourning. We will all be dead in 12 years from climate change. Don’t spend your last days supporting a sexist, racist, anti-LGBTQ snowman. 

Matt Noyes is a New Hampshire native and currently works and lives in Tokyo, Japan. He is driven by a passion for liberty to take part in civic discourse. He holds a bachelor's degree from SUNY Albany where he founded a Turning Point USA chapter and wrote for Campus Reform and the Albany Student Press.

The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.


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About Matthew Noyes

SUNY Albany

Matt Noyes is a New Hampshire native and currently works and lives in Tokyo, Japan. He is driven by a passion for liberty to take part in civic discourse. He holds a bachelor's degree from SUNY Albany where he founded a Turning Point USA chapter and wrote for Campus Reform and the Albany Student Press.

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