This Thanksgiving you may find yourself or your family members engaged in political arguments. These are completely stupid and a waste of time during the holidays. Well, here’s several ways to stop the political arguments so that you and your family can enjoy being together!
- Offer to hold a football for them to kick, then pull it away as they run up. In Charlie Brown fashion, this will cause them to fall! Got em! This will surely give a family member what they deserve for starting political nonsense when you all could be watching the historical classic Friends Thanksgiving episodes.
- Sing Hello by Adele. Anytime anyone around the table is beginning to argue, pull out your boombox and begin to play Hello by Adele, and everyone will join in. HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE!
- Now if you want to get more in depth and diabolical, you could rearrange their furniture. Your aunt just can’t stop yelling at anyone who voted for Trump? Move every couch in her living room 4 inches to the left.
- Inform them that they may be entitled to financial compensation if they or a loved one has mesothelioma. This will interrupt their constant talk about Medicare for All (or even “Trump’s tax records”).
This also works on the conservative boomers in the family who speak about how Trump “is saving all of us! God himself chose him for the White House and we love him”
- If the earlier methods have not worked and arguments break out over the table, pull out your phone and read aloud the entire Apple terms and services contract. That may get them to stop it!
- Aunt Jennifer and your dad arguing about healthcare again? Walk into the pantry, grab a potato, write “STOP IT” on it and throw it at them. That’ll stop that and, afterwards, they can even keep the potato!
- If you find everyone arguing in the kitchen, yell out, “I KNOW WHAT TO DO,” and race to the fridge to pull out a two liter bottle of Pepsi and put Mentos in it. Your family will bond over watching it explode and you’ll always have that memory. Then they will all bond over yelling at you for destroying the kitchen. And everyone will forget that next year is an election year!
- In the end, get over it. Do not be the family member who causes an unnecessary political argument. Thanksgiving is not about politics, it is about spending time with your family.
From all of us here at Lone Conservative, Happy Thanksgiving!
The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.