Sources: DOJ to investigate ABC… for rigging election… on ‘Dancing with the Stars’… (satire)

by

Tuesday, November 12, 2019


Sean Spicer, America’s sweetheart and world-class dancer, has experienced what will likely go down as the worst election interference in American history. 

Sources within ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and the former Hillary Clinton campaign have confirmed that there was massive voter fraud present in the November 11th vote to send ‘Spicy’ to the semi-finals. The show has so far been unwilling to release the vote totals, confirming our suspicions that Crooked Hillary has sunk her claws into Spicy as revenge for her losing the Totally Fair and Honest 2016 election. The Coo has finally infiltrated our culture.

One source claims that Hillary herself made the call to an unnamed producer, saying, “I want you to delete those votes for Sean like I deleted those 30,000 emails.” She then proceeded to laugh maniacally for over an hour as the rest of America gazed in horror as the best dancer in the history of mankind fell victim to another one of her schemes.

President Donald J. Trump provided an exclusive statement to Lone Conservative expressing his frustration: “His dancing was PERFECT. There was NOTHING danced in any way wrong. Americans, don’t be led into the trap of saying it was not perfect, but it’s not win worthy. No, it was stronger than that. NOTHING WAS DONE WRONG!”

A source close to the White House has stated that Attorney General Barr is in the preliminary stages of an investigation into the origins of the semi-final election.

The American people need to know just how deep this maligning goes. It’s quite possible, almost certain even, that Obama played a key role in destroying American confidence in our democratic system.

Trump must take these monsters down to Keep America Great. Abandon the trade war, stop building the wall, and pause the tax cuts. The focus must be centered around this sole issue, for it will determine the future of the next dozen generations. Investigate the liberal showrunners!

Democracy has failed tonight. Our trust hasn’t been shaken, but rather completely obliterated. 

Will elections in America ever be safe again? Did Putin employ Russian bots in hopes to interfere in our most sacred of pastimes? How much control does the LIBERAL ELITE have? Did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself? These questions have yet to be answered, but what’s clear is that America will never be great again unless Sean Spicer finds his place in the semi-finals.

Joseph Chalfant is the Lead Development Officer at Lone Conservative and an intern for NewsBusters. He is a political science major at Texas State University and plans to attend law school to study constitutional law after graduation. He is known for being the resident Game of Thrones expert for wherever he works.

The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.


Share This

About Joseph Chalfant

Texas State University

Joseph Chalfant is the Lead Development Officer at Lone Conservative and an intern for NewsBusters. He is a political science major at Texas State University and plans to attend law school to study constitutional law after graduation. He is known for being the resident Game of Thrones expert for wherever he works.

Looking to Submit an Article?

We always are happy to receive submissions from new and returning authors. If you're a conservative student with a story to tell, let us know!

Join the Team

Want to Read More?

From college experiences to political theory to sports and more, our authors have covered a wide assortment of topics tailored for millennials and students.

Browse the Archives