The 2020 woke games have begun. Each Democratic candidate is battling to win the hearts of voters across all 50 states and to beat the final boss, President Donald J. Trump.
To honor the valiant efforts of just ten lucky candidates, I will be awarding each of them a place in the lucrative Top 10 of the Cringiest Democratic 2020 hopefuls.
May the cringe be ever in their favor.
- Pete Buttiegg
Candidates often receive criticism from different media outlets, but being trolled by Mad Magazine for effectively insulting their entire legacy gives Pete Buttigieg, or Alfred E. Neumann, as the President now calls him, the 10th spot on the battle of the cringiest.
- Cory Booker
This one cringeworthy moment gives Booker 9th place on the battle of the cringiest because of its one hit wonder style. Ever since this gem hit the news cycle, it’s been the only thing keeping this candidate relevant.
- Andrew Yang
“The only thing standing between me and the White House is popularity.”
The only thing standing between me and the White House is popularity.
— Andrew Yang (@AndrewYang) April 4, 2019
Although popular among those who believe the age of physical labor is at an untimely end at the hands of robots, Yang slides into the 8th spot with his vaporwave hats and trending #YangGang hashtag to pander to younger voters. Oh…and don’t forget the “Math!” chants.
- Joe Biden
Despite Joe Biden’s numerous on-screen compilations of interactions between him and younger females, it isn’t the “trying to relate to the teens” cringe. He makes it onto this list because of his continuous one sentence gaffes since the 70s that make the audience question his IQ.
- Bill De Blasio
#ConDon takes another shot at me. But I’m a total @SadiqKhan stan, so consider any comparison a compliment. Plus the Mayor is a much better British doppelgänger than Brexit Bojo…. https://t.co/HkSbR8Hzml
— Bill de Blasio (@BilldeBlasio) June 3, 2019
Sliding into the 6th spot, Bill De Blasio earns his place with his constant need to tweet like he’s a 2000s baby. His use of the hashtag #ConDon is about as popular as his candidacy announcement among New York City residents.
- Kamala Harris
Kamala Harris leads the charge as one of the two women lucky enough to secure a spot. Her comments on The Breakfast Club about being a normal teen by claiming to smoke weed and listening to rap that did not exist during her time in college earn her 5th place.
- Bernie Sanders
A college student’s dream, Bernie Sanders promises free tuition, and that the rich (excluding himself) will pay their fair share of taxes, and give back to the less fortunate. He really lets the rabid capitalists ‘feel the Bern’ when he does not understand he’s a millionaire because of the capitalist system he hates.
- Elizabeth Warren
Apart from the whole 1/1024 Native American DNA debacle, Elizabeth Warren gets the bronze cringe award with her live streamed beer consumption. Her attempt at relatability was as hard to watch as her trying to explain her ancestry. Liz may be 0.001% Native American, but she is 100% America’s resident cringy beer bro.
- Eric Salwell
“Another white guy”
I may be "another white guy," but I know where there are gaps in my knowledge or my experience and I know when to pass the mic. pic.twitter.com/jMYBwF97xY
— Eric Swalwell (@ericswalwell) May 27, 2019
Another day, another white guy. Salwell’s incredulous pandering even makes other Democrats cringe. His most recent strange moment involves a bizarre video of him insisting that if he can change a child’s diaper, he can clean up D.C. Even someone as cringy as Salwell still can “pass the mic” to the most iconic and experienced cringe master who is at our top spot.
- Robert “Beto” O’Rourke
Winning the coveted gold at the cringe games is our favorite resident hand-waving furry. Just like all of the “insta influencers,” Beto lives his life on social media, which obviously includes live-streaming his dentist appointments for his devoted followers. On the campaign trail, he avoids standing on the floor, and looks down at his swooning “Betomaniacs” to spread his socialist gospel from tabletops. We can’t stand a furry with no regard for furniture.
With new and embarrassing comments, tweets, and videos every day, the amount of cringy candidates continues to increase. Will their “relatable” moments win the hearts of Generation Z and the millenials Or will it keep on giving the entire country second-hand embarrassment?
Only time will tell.
The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.