SATIRE: The Phurreans

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Thursday, June 6, 2019


Furry comes from the Latin word Phurrea. It is believed in Greek mythology that the Phurrean race were long lost in the doom of Atlantis. Legend says that the Phurreans live on, nowadays through the guise of being Furry.

So, what does this have to do with politics in 2019?

In 2003, now Presidential Candidate and former Texas Congressman Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke appeared in concert wearing a sheep costume. Fans and attendees were mesmerized by Beto’s voice. Historians on the other hand had other questions and began investigating Beto’s ancestry.

Legend says Furries bear the resemblance of humans in every way and can morph into whatever animal they please. We lack concrete evidence, but the only vague evidence we have of the Furries existence is a blurred picture of what most Americans refer to as Bigfoot. Some on social media claim the photo was doctored, while others believe Bigfoot is also one of Beto’s Phurrean forms.

Ancestral truth became a hot topic due to presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren’s claims of Native American ancestry, but a DNA test proved otherwise.

We reached out to the National Society for Phurrean Studies for comment. They have formally declined our inquiry.

Is Beto an ancestor to the long-lost race of Phurreans, or is this the ploy of a summer college student with nothing better to do? Only time will tell!

 

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Chase is a bit of an eclectic, entrepreneur-type pursuing a Degree in Accounting. Chase currently does cost accounting and bookkeeping professionals. In his free time, Chase enjoys cooking, writing stories, coming up with business ideas, and not cooking the books.

The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.


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About Chase Roubideaux

University of Colorado, Denver

Chase is a bit of an eclectic, entrepreneur-type pursuing a Degree in Accounting. Chase currently does cost accounting and bookkeeping professionals. In his free time, Chase enjoys cooking, writing stories, coming up with business ideas, and not cooking the books.

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