CPAC 2019 Parties Ranked


Wednesday, March 6, 2019

  1.       American Conservative Coalition’s Happy Hour, National Harbor MD

This relatively new and very successful group was definitely not trying to conserve the alcohol or Hors d’Oeuvres at this party. I personally ate at least 15 steak skewers and the only thing that kept me going back for more was social pressure from my friends. The Old Fashioneds were literally the best I’ve ever had in DC.

Andrew Wheeler, the director of the EPA spoke to the room and then stayed around to chat and take pictures with everyone who was interested in meeting him. This was quite different from every other event where the speakers stayed around for five pictures then ducked away from the student crowd.

This event was the perfect pre-game to Reaganpalooza or the Reagan Dinner for those who shelled out the $$$ for a ticket. There was no dancing and only one featured speaker which suited the venue and vibe of the event. Ample sitting space and a friendly crowd, props to ACC for checking all my boxes. I’m looking forward to their next rager at CPAC 2020.

  1.       The Trump Hotel, Washington DC

While this was not an official party or cocktail hour, everyone knows that the bar in the Trump Hotel’s lobby is the unofficial after party location for all CPAC speakers and attendees. The lack of barriers to entry guarantees a long wait for a table and drink at the bar, but you can bide your time by talking to any of the very well connected, and sometimes oddballs, waiting at the bar next to you.

The name of the hotel turns away liberal reporters and anyone who doesn’t want to be associated with the Trump brand. You’re as likely to run into foreign politicians, business executives, and executive administration as you are Candace Owens and Charlie Kirk.

During CPAC, the lobby was littered with college students and DC elite. There’s nothing like seeing a young guy in cargo shorts standing next to Louboutin heels. This place is the watering hole for the conservative world. If you haven’t ordered the candied bacon and asked the head bartender, “Who important is here tonight?” you’re missing out.

  1.       Reaganpalooza, Arlington VA

This Friday night party was full of everyone semi famous in the conservative movement who wasn’t important enough to go to the Reagan Dinner or people who ducked out of the formal Reagan Dinner to drink free beer and watch conservative twitter personalities interact in real time. Clearly this was more party than professional happy hour, but that’s exactly what everyone wanted.

There was cold pizza, embarrassing dancing and, at one point, the entire two story bar sang “take me home country roads.” We were all West Virginians for two minutes.

I’m unsure of the origin of the term ‘Grand Old Party’ but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was sourced from this event.

  1.       Turning Point’s America Fest, National Harbor MD

After having to wait outside thirty minutes in the cold after the party started because the line was so long, we entered into the main floor of the Cadillac Ranch surrounded by lifesize cardboard cutouts of politicians and celebrities. Dozens of cardboard guests were littered throughout the party seemingly with no logic to their arrangement or explanation for their presence.

Did they create a cutout for every person that was invited but didn’t attend? Is that why Ted Cruz didn’t get a cutout but Chuck Norris did?

The budget for cardboard cutouts must have been equal to the food budget. Next time instead please just give everyone three more drink tickets.

I started to forget about the strangeness of the additional paper guests after several servings of boneless wings and rounds of their hilarious featured drink list. The drink list and mechanical bull were the highlights of the party.

The crowd was mostly made up of older men and women, presumably donors, who were not vibing with the DJ’s hip-hop playlist. It felt like a middle aged professional’s cocktail hour taking place at a college frat party.

  1.       Nigel Farage and Raheem Kassam’s party at the Post Nightclub, National Harbor MD

I’m almost certain that this British duo borrowed several of Charlie Kirk’s cardboard cutouts from the Turning Point party to greet guests waking into the event. Thrown by UK Breitbart News head, Kassam, and Brexiter Nigel Farage, the party was hosted at the two story bar in the Gaylord Hotel. One level was VIP and one was for the plebeian conservatives, from what I gathered at the event.

I was a fan of the open bar and the “Raheem is Daddy” drink, but the flowing alcohol didn’t help send people to the dance floor for more than a few minutes at a time.

Media professionals and members of smaller foreign conservative movements were the majority of people I interacted with. I was on edge most of the party because of the ultra-right wing, loony personalities present like Jacob Whol and Laura Loomer, and ended up leaving early to a less stress bar next to the Gaylord Hotel.  

Patricia is an editor at Lone Conservative. She was born and raised in the Midwest, and is currently attending a private Iowa College and majoring in philosophy. She enjoys figure skating, books, and talking to strangers on the metro.

The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.

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About Patricia Patnode

Patricia is an editor at Lone Conservative. She was born and raised in the Midwest, and is currently attending a private Iowa College and majoring in philosophy. She enjoys figure skating, books, and talking to strangers on the metro.

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