Everyone knows one of the best things about CPAC is the chance to meet like-minded peers. Last year we warned you about potential romantic interests, but this year it’s all about the friendships!
Curly – The uptight friend you make who is completely put together: professional dress, business cards, personal elevator pitch down pat. Despite this seemingly unbreakable front, when they cut loose, they are the most lively and flamboyant person around.
Shoestring – The flakey person we all have in our lives. Only comes around when it benefits them or their “social image.” Came to CPAC to boost their social media following by posting edgy photos and one liners. Not the person you call when you are in trouble and need help.
Waffle – Almost didn’t attend because they heard CPAC referred to as “conservative spring break.” This person definitely goes to a religious college, but is down to earth enough that they don’t judge anyone else’s behavior even if they don’t participate in it themselves.
Crinkle – This person is there for a fun time. Your wildest friend who, despite all efforts to look completely put together, has too much energy to sit through many speakers and just wants to be talking with anyone and everyone. You might spot them working a booth in the exhibition hall, or just visiting all of the booths.
Sweet Potato – The crazy vegan of the group. Despite a strong passion for conservation and clean eating, they will not judge you for eating meat or even suggest you change your ways – as long as you let them be passionately all about it.
Steak Cut – The all American citizen. Is working hard to put themselves through college. Came to CPAC because it’s their civic duty to learn more about the American politics. Hopes to take over the family business after they graduate college.
Chili Cheese – Believes that with hard work and the right motivational music you can conquer the world. Came to CPAC wearing workout clothes and blasting eye of the tiger. Connects with friends after creating customized Spotify playlists and lists of who to speak with about internships for everyone
Tater Tots – The token “devil’s advocate.” Despite being unsure whether or not this person is ACTUALLY conservative, they are someone you want around because intellectual depth and multiple viewpoints will always be present in a conversation with them.
Whichever kind of fry you choose, remember they all taste good dipped in a milkshake!
The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.