A Letter To My Daughter: On Men & Modesty


Wednesday, September 12, 2018

My wife just recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Having a child forces an individual to carefully consider his or her beliefs, if only to be able to articulate them to the next generation.

I remember when we didn’t know the sex of our child and that forced me to consider what I believe the challenges are for both boys & girls. Recently, I encountered an online tiff between friends about whether young ladies had an obligation to society to pursue modesty. Both sides reasoned well and forced me to consider my own standards. I’ve written this letter to influence her and hopefully a few others into a positive relationship with themselves.


Dear Daughter,

It’s easy to imagine that while you’re in my care, my standard will be your standard. I yearn to be around all the time to help you decide what is and isn’t worthwhile. The truth is, though, I won’t be around forever and, at some point, you must become your own woman. As I cannot forever counsel you in specific situations, I’ll tell you, in a general sense, what I know to be true about the world. Hopefully you can use this wisdom to draw your own conclusions about where your boundaries are and should be.

On men: a man wiser than myself and far better acquainted with the depths of depravity man is capable of, once said, “The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” This reality is uniquely true of men and what that means for you is simple.

Rarely will anything a man says or does with regard to you, have much to do with you. Their deeds and words are a reflection of their own internal struggle. To the extent that they are “good men” and treat you with respect, it is only so because they have used their inner power to exercise discipline over the dark part of their own hearts. To the extent that they cause harm, it has nothing to do with anything you said, did, or wore. Rather, it’s a window into their own failure.

I assure you, men need no special invitation to be attracted to you and some of them will choose to objectify and sexualize you no matter what you do. There is no decent man worthy of your time or attention that will pass over you because you wore one piece instead of a thong cut swimsuit. The men looking for the latter are are not worthy of your time and attention.

On modesty: you attract what you are in life. I assure you, if your standards are low or base, that will determine your friends and future partner. You are the sum of the people you hang around with most, so whomever you choose to spend time with is always changing you, for better or worse.

Every action, every choice you make, tilts the world minutely toward being a better place or toward being a darker, less desirable place. That includes how you choose to dress and conduct yourself in public and private.

Your physical worth to society is not the sum of who you are, in fact, it is by far the most minute part of who you are. Objectifying and sexualizing yourself is not empowering in anyway shape or form. The most sexualized and objectified women in our society are the least powerful. The most powerful and respectable women you see aren’t scantily clad daily, but rather professionals: doctors, lawyers, and executives. They achieved their status by recognizing that hard work and intellect are the ultimate commodity in society.

This is your life. You get no others. You will become the sum of every choice you make every day. Even the small, seemingly unimportant choices add up to an outcome. I know you’ll be subjected to fads and peer pressure, but, if you choose to, you have the ability to overcome all of that and achieve anything you desire from this life.

The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.

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About Christopher Adkins

Houston Community College

Chris Adkins served honorably in the United States Army for six years and performed two tours in Iraq during his service. Currently, Chris lives, works, and studies in Houston. He is a business broker and student who is working towards a degree in Political Science.

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