Ice Cream Flavors: Men at Conservative Conferences Summer Edition


Friday, May 18, 2018

Now I know what you’re thinking…. Weren’t the seven previous flavors judgemental enough? Probably, but hotter weather = more ice cream! Summer conferences are just around the corner, so look out for these:


Vanilla Bean – He’s your classic nice guy, but with a little something extra. He’s sarcastic, smarter than you, and very ambitious. He probably became interested in politics because of his parents, but that doesn’t mean he’s not invested. He’s also not willing to put up with your drama because he’s been through enough of it already. This guy knows who he is and what he wants.

Would take home to mom and dad? Yes


Snow Cream – It’s not really ice cream, but you’re not sure he’s really a conservative. This one is allusive. He’s in everything for the aesthetic and probably fixes his hair before every selfie. He’s very predictable, so there isn’t a whole lot to him. This guy also thinks he has more pizzazz than he actually does.

Meet the parents? No


Birthday Cake – This guy is always smiling and absolutely always going at 100%. He might not be the best looking guy at the conference, but his confidence, combined with his ability to be in the right place at the right time makes up for whatever he lacks in appearance.

Meet the parents? Yes


Moose Tracks – This one grabs your attention from the get go. You might even sit across from him at dinner the first night, but ultimately he disappoints. The more you converse, it turns out that he’s arrogant, boring, and needs way more validation than you can give. Unfortunately, he added himself on all of your social media the first night of the conference….

Meet the parents? No


Coconut Milk – Okay, so this one isn’t actually a flavor, however, you know him. This guy is unique, and you spot it when he gets up to ask a question to the first speaker. He’s smooth but also a little bit extra. He’s easy to befriend, but definitely an acquired taste.

Meet the parents? Maybe


Chocolate – Controversial af. No matter where he goes, he always draws attention and EVERYONE knows him. He has a lot of intelligent things to say, but it’s difficult to listen to him because of all the “humble” bragging thrown into his verbiage.

Meet the parents? Yes


Cookies and Cream –  So reliable. This one ends up in the friendzone for a lot of people. He can be comforting or fun depending on the situation. He probably had a midlife crisis at 20, but bounced back even more ambitious than before. A genuine pleasure to talk to, he is one of the greatest conversationalists you will ever meet.

Meet the parents? Yes

The views expressed in this article are the opinion of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lone Conservative staff.

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About Jaime Hahn

Kennesaw State University

Jaime Hahn is a sophomore economics major at Kennesaw State University, where she is chair of her Young Americans for Freedom chapter. She is passionate about Whitesnake, Winston Churchill, and winning peers to the conservative movement.

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